I could hear Sri Ramana laughing as well. In fact, I could hear the laughter of Christ and Buddha and Abhinavagupta, and many other illumined sages. The space was filled with joy. What a question to ask a teenager, or anyone, in such a disconnected context! Where are they coming from? What do they expect? Do they even realize the significance of such a question? My student asked me for advice as to how to answer, but I told her to meditate on it and we would discuss it at our next meeting. But after she left, I wondered how I would answer in her place.

I would probably respond with several questions of my own. Are you implying by your question an identity of thought and being? Are you placing a Cartesian restraint on my paradigm of selfhood? Or do you want to know if I am able to remove such handcuffs and throw them back at you?

You are asking a question that you want answered verbally, at the level of thought, about my being, which transcends the plane of thought. Do you assume that language can grasp or encompass the dimension of being? Or do you want to know if I am aware of the transcendent presence of Being? Or do you want to know only the ideal signifiers of my thought-being, my style of self-presentation? Do you want a portrait of my persona? Or do you want to know my capacity for symbolic self-representation? Must I remain in the ontic sandbox of the ego, or do you want to play in the ontological realm of the soul? Or shall I stop all these circumlocutions and simply sing hymns to the icons of advaita and advaya? Shall I dedicate my tongue to the ultimate paradox, the indescribable nature of the Real? Or shall I simply genuflect in apophatic silence?

But perhaps my Real Being is even excluded from reference here. Are you truly interested in how profound a metaphysical realization has been achieved by this consciousness? Do you believe you can come to know someone authentically, at the exalted level of super-consciousness, through an examination of the signifiers that are proffered on an application form? Or do you understand that true knowledge of another being can only emerge in the context of love? In an open, dialogic, multi-modal, face to face encounter in quest of realization of our interbeingness, our ultimate unicity? Of course, such expression of being can come through words if they are channeled while in a state of samadhi, of ecstatic union with the Absolute. Are you not, in this question, asking the impossible—or only that I rise to the occasion and produce a work of timeless literary art? You are in any case making an extraordinary demand of someone you hardly know.

Of course, you are probably not asking me to reveal the esoteric avataric and Trinitarian nature of my Being. You probably only want to know how good I am at volleyball and how interested I am in sports in general, how serious I am in wanting to prepare for a socially well-adapted adulthood, or if I am attracted to some unhealthy subculture, and whether I will do my homework and make friends with other students and fit in with the school’s rules, customs, and attitudes. I get it. You would probably be a little concerned if you knew that I ruminate about my ontological essence. You might even feel threatened if you knew that I see through all the lures your educational institution is offering to repress my awareness of the unconquerable freedom of the Self. You might not want to admit a voice that speaks up for transcendence of the ego, purification of the soul, and the creation of a society that lives up to the implications of our unitive Being.

OK, I give in. “I really love volleyball, and I am working hard to improve my serve.”

I wonder what is my obligation toward my student. Help her get into that prestigious boarding school? Or help her understand that she need not betray her true Self? Or find a way to compromise and have both? How important is it to be accepted? Must Truth be relegated to the privacy of a confessional, or has it a place in the social arena? If not, what am I doing there? Who am I? Who are you?

Namaste,

Shunyamurti